Pam's Challenge.

I tried the challenge Pam gave us on Friday, to seek first to understand then be understood. When we were discussing this habit in class I thought that it would be easy to add this into my everyday life and that it would be an easy/ fast way strengthen my relationships with others. While in class I figured that it would easy to really listen to someone without just thinking about what my response will be without probing, or advising the situation. I thought that just repeating what they had said a little differently would be okay. While repeating what they had said differently helped them to know that I was listening, for me I found that it wasn’t helping me pay more attention to the subject we were discussing because I was just thinking about how I could reword it. I was wrong when I thought that this habit would be easy to incorporate into my communication skills. It is going to take some major practice with this habit to really feel comfortable with the way I communicate with others.

--Kate Kendrick

Design

-Warning, this post contains content from a couple days from now-
I never realized how lacking my thought was in terms of "design". By "design" I of course mean the right brained, big picture, patern recognizing, gestault sense. I've been trying to apply design thinking directly, but im finding that it is more realistic to first train myself to think in a design oriented manner. The book "A whole new mind" gives methods for achieving this, like noting the design flaws or ingenuity inherent in a given object. E.g. the alarm clock sitting next to me is mostly well designed, with a large snooze button for clumsy, early morning swipes. However, the alarm settings (No alarm, alarm 1, alarm 2, alarm 1 and 2) which allow for two different programed alarms, can easily be mixed up. It takes the form of a single bar, sliding about half an inch for all four settings. Its frustrating to wake up to the wrong alarm whether its early or late, and this design flaw allows that mistake.
-If this post is missing any criteria, sorry-

Listening

I tried the listening skills that we were taught in class with a lot of people but one that really stood out was a girl that is in my ceramics class. She was telling everyone at our table in the class how she has had a rotten day. She said all the things that went wrong and then some of the other girls at the table went off on tangents from what she said about their own lives. I turned it back to her and asked how that made her feel and said back to her what I understood she had said and I could tell that she then liked telling me more and actually felt better even though it didn't directly solve her problems. It was awesome and I am going to use it more to truly listen to people.
Karen Ungricht

The Challenge

When challenged with this opportunity in class on Friday, I thought of a few different situations that I would be in this weekend where I could try empathetic listening. Friday night came and an unexpected situation was presented where I could apply seek first to understand. One of my close friends was having relationship problems and on my way over I began to prep myself to not give advice, probe, or put the guy down. All I was going to do was simply listening, right? Well it definitely was in no way easy or simple to sit, listen, and understand. At first it was a struggle to not have my mind constantly thinking of how I wanted to respond but it eventually got easier and I found that her situation was completely different than what I had first interpreted it as. She began to explain some of her fears and problems with this relationship and why she had developed these thoughts. I know that I understand her better now and we are closer as friends. She told me she was glad I that I listened because her family kept giving her advice and all she wanted was to have one person LISTEN and not interpret, advise, probe, or evaluate. It is amazing the feelings, ideas, and emotions that can be expressed in a deeper way if a person listens to understand first.

Michaela Ferguson

Empathetic Listening

When going over this topic in class I thought, sounds simple, but after trying it out I found that this is not always the case. Over the weekend we were extended the challenge to try applying this principle of empathetic listening and then give a report on how it went.

This last weekend my friend drove up to Salt Lake and asked if I wanted to go, the drive is about an hour and a half so it was a perfect time to try out this, “listening only” idea. The conversation began with small talk as they always do with nothing to exciting to talk about. By then end of the drive however, and after plenty of time trying not to probe or relate, I found myself seeing my friend more clearly, and caring more about what he was telling me instead of trying to see if I could relate to his experiences or give advice. The principle of Listening helps build character and a desire to understand others. In short, it creates better results in conversation and strengthens relationships.

Thanks Covey!

-Brady Walker

Easy Advice

It is so easy to give advice. I can listen to any situation and tell the person what I think they should do. But how hard is it to say nothing? It is one of the hardest things anybody can do. Over the weekend I had the opportunity to go on a roadtrip with my sister. For the first hour or two we just talked about nothing but eventually the conversation led to her relationship. She has been going out with this guy for over six months. Well it turns out that this guy will be graduating this semester and will be moving to Ohio but my sister doesn't plan on going with him. She wants to break up but at the same time she can't stand to think about not being with him. So for the next hour I just sat there and listened to her debate with herself. Every five or ten minutes I would add a little "yea" or "I see" but other than that I didn't say a word. I'm not going to say it was the longest hour of my life but holy cow! I learned WAY more than I wanted to about their relationship.

Listening is important and not giving unwanted advise is maybe more important. But I think we all need to be careful about who we decide to "listen" to. If you ask why, because once they start talking and you show that you are interested and listening, then you may never get them to be quiet.

Group One's Blog post on "how not to be a jerk"

We chose this video clip because of it's content, and also because it is given by someone who is relative to us in age. There are a lot things that we can learn from his simple council. As we discussed this video there were a lot of reasons why we think it's very informative. Here are some reasons why we think this is an effective video in teaching some of the principles we have discussed in class; namely the listening part of "seeking first to understand."

Some of the best ways to build trust in any type of relationship is just simply listen to the person talk about them. Think of it. When someone is really into what are you saying and expresses  genuine interest (not by speaking), do you want to just put up a wall and not talk to them anymore? No, we continue to talk. Sometimes we may find that we have talked to much about us or have disclosed things that we never thought we would have. Think of how effective this would be at a social gathering where maybe you could interact with a key leader in your company that you don't have much contact with. This could be a key opportunity for promotion, or maybe to learn a little more about the vision and goals of the company. You ask a few simple questions and then just listen.

As we have discussed in class, these principles not only will help us in the corporate world, they will help us with our friends, family, and even our spouse. 

He spoke of praising in public, and correcting in private. What are some ways that we can do both of those things in a genuine manner? 

 After watching this video, what are some types of communication that you haven't thought of before?

As he asked, have you ever been in an argument and been so mad that you didn't even know what the other person just said? What are some ways we can overcome this destructive habit?

Thanks for reading,

Mack, Nate, Blake, and Lendel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2tEOwNCrjI    Just copy and paste this link into your web browser