A couple of weeks ago I was watching a talk show that had a segment on how to better communicate with someone. They talked about how someone can tell if the person they are talking to is a “thinker” or a “feeler”. When you ask someone a question, if they look up during or before they respond it means they are a “thinker”, so you should direct questions to them like, “What do you think about that?” When the person looks down after you ask them a question, it means they are a “feeler”, so a question to them would be more like, “How do you feel about that?” Being able to read someone’s body language can help to really understand what they mean, and can also help you to better connect to them and make them feel like you understand. This segment reminded me of Pink’s book, in the Empathy chapter where he talks about artificial smiles vs. the “Duchenne smile”. This segment also reminded me of “Seek first to understand” in Covey’s book. I’ve tried to test out this process in conversations I have had, and I think it really does help to watch these clues when you are talking to someone. The conversations that I have had while I was trying to implement these ideas were much more meaningful and understanding. This segment was another great tip on how to read people and better direct questions to them that goes well with the points that Pink and Covey make.
Jaimie Beazer
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